


All I Will Ever Know

by Vulpixune



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Shameless Smut, prostitute!Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 22:54:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3095597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vulpixune/pseuds/Vulpixune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was not made for an epic love story. I was made to satisfy carnal desires. I can’t keep deluding myself with dreams of love and financial security and happiness. I simply wasn’t born to live a happy life. I have to keep reminding myself that aside from my daughter I am not destined for joy. Dark streets and cold men are all I will ever know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Will Ever Know

**Author's Note:**

> I decided this piece would be a good one to experiment with doing a reader-insert with a first person POV instead of the traditional second person POV. 
> 
> It's 5am as I edited/posted this so if I made a typo please tell me so I can fix it.

This is all I will ever know.

Dark, shadowy corners filled with horrors and cobblestone streets wet with sewage and blood. Instead of an endless blue sky I have black jagged rocks pointing down at me like razor sharp daggers, ready to take my life at any moment. I wish they would. Selling sex is hard and taxing work. Painful diseases, degrading conditions, less than covering clothes. I’m tired of this life, but I got nowhere else to go. I got a little girl to take care of. Her daddy’s walking on streets of paved gold above my head and no one will take me in. I want my daughter to have a good future, so I have to work hard and save up all the money I can so I can give her the future she deserves. 

A guy not much older than I am approaches me. Clean clothes. No facial hair. Tall with broad shoulders, could easily take me down. But by the looks of his shifting blue eyes and slightly hunched shoulders he currently doesn’t have the disposition to attack me. A smirk crawls onto my face, seeing pink ever so slightly tint his face. 

“You lookin’ for the ladies, sweetheart?” I ask, batting my eyelashes at him. I want this one; he’s nervous and maybe I can get him to do what I want. 

“Er, yeah, I am,” he says, every so often catching my eyes. Yup. He’s a virgin at this. I’m going to enjoy this. They’re so much easier to manipulate. 

“Well, you came to the right place. What sort of things are you into, honey?” I inquire. The other girls are looking at him inquisitively. The nerves on this guy are pretty obvious. He’s never going to talk like this. “Hey,” I say softly, putting my hand on his arm. “How about we go talk away from prying eyes?” 

“I’d like that,” he says, looking relieved. I lead him into the mouth of a nearby alley. He’s visibly calmed down a bit, but he still looks pretty embarrassed. Poor cutie. It makes me wanna go easy on him. But I won’t. I’m not that nice of a person. 

“So, what kind of things do you want?” I ask again, letting go of him. 

“Sex . . .” he says, looking to the ground. 

“Well I figured that. But what kind? Prices vary depending on what you want,” I tell him. “Types, kinks, tell me what makes you hot and bothered.” 

“I’d, uh, I just want regular sex,” he says. Just _sex?_ No fetishes? Just me on all fours? Shit if he weren’t so pretty I’d say he was doing this just to lose his virginity, but there’s no way a guy like him still has that. 

“You’re in luck, honey,” I say, trailing a finger down his chest. “I do plain old sex. Now, let’s discuss payment.” 

“This should be enough, right?” he asks, pulling out a small drawstring bag. It weighs quite a bit and when I open it the sight of gold coins greets my eyes. Poor boy should know better, but whatever. I’m profiting from it. 

“This’ll cover it. So, where do you wanna go? I’m good anywhere except public places, but I’m good with alleys,” I inform him. 

“Let’s go to my place,” he says. Of course. I don’t like going to guys’ places but they love it so I don’t really have a choice. I’ve only ran into a few bad situations going to a guy’s home, but honestly this guy is so timid and shy I doubt he’s got anything up his sleeve. But it never hurts to be cautious. 

“Sounds good to me. Lead the way.” As we walk away from the alley he puts his arm around my shoulders. I don’t know who he’s trying to fool; everyone on this block knows I’m a whore and even if they didn’t, it wouldn’t be hard to figure it out by looking at my clothes. I like the feeling though. The warm, protective feeling of a man’s arm never gets old, especially when it’s sincere like this boy’s doing. I could pretend like we’re lovers in those romance novels that get thrown down here by slumming nobles that’re “doing good work to improve the lives of the poor.” That he’s my suitor and we’re madly in love and we’ll get married one day and have a large, above ground wedding. That’ll never happen, of course, but a girl can dream. 

“I’m Farlan, by the way,” he says quietly, glancing down at me. Well shit. Farlan? Like Farlan _Church,_ thug leader extraordinaire? Well, thug leader until he got knocked down a peg by what’s his face, Levi something? But still, I’ve heard things about him. I should stay on guard. He could easily beat or kill me. 

“You can call me whatever you want,” I tell him, flashing him a bright smile. Men always love getting power over names. 

“Well, what do you want me to call you?” he asks. I catch myself before I can show shock. Why does he want me to tell him what to call me? Usually men just call me what they want. Why does he want to know what I want to be called? Is he being serious? 

“[First]. Call me [First],” I reply. 

“So [First], how long have you been doing this?” he asks, no doubt trying to start small talk. 

“A year, give or take a few months,” I answer nonchalantly. It’s a lie, of course. I never get asked that a lot, but every so often I get a client that wants to know. It’s always best to lie; after all, they’re only asking because they want to know if you’re a virgin or not. Men have a weird obsession with taking virginities. I guess it’s to make up for the masculinity they obviously lack. Being someone’s first isn’t going to make you man. It just isn’t. But I’m guessing he’s asking to gauge if I have experience since he obviously lacks that with prostitutes. I don’t even know how long I’ve been doing this. You know how it is; start young and time gets away from you. 

“Independent or pimp?” he inquires. 

“Madame and pimp, actually,” I correct him. “Husband and wife team.” 

“That’s a weird occupation to take up for a couple,” he comments. 

“It runs in the family,” I tell him with a dark smirk. I’m tempted to ask what he does and what he’d tell me. He’s already being so good to me though so I shouldn’t; I don’t want him to become upset and turn on me. The more I walk and talk with him the more I feel like we’re a couple in a romance novel. It’s not hard to imagine we’re dressed in finery walking in a hedge maze. And at any moment he’ll get down on one knee and confess his love for me and we’ll kiss and probably bang under a gazebo. Oh God, I’m doing it again. Daydreaming on the job. I’ve never daydreamed while with a man before though. Usually I daydream while I stand at corners. I need to get a hold of myself. I can’t let myself get carried away. 

He leads me to a rundown little inn. Not surprising. If he’s _the_ Farlan Church, there’s no way he can risk taking me to his hideout. Although I have had gang leaders take me to hideouts before. It makes for interesting stories afterwards. Thugs do like displaying their little trophies, I’ll say that much. We breeze past the front desk and he leads me up the stairs. Well, an emergency escape will be harder, but he’s genuinely nervous. I don’t think he’s got murder in him right now. Later, maybe. But now I think he’s got more pressing issues on his mind than killing me. 

He unlocks the door to a room at the end of the hall. Like a gentleman, he holds the door open for me. The room is shabby, but it’s not like that’s a big deal. We’re probably only going to be here for twenty minutes. Thirty minutes tops. 

“Good. You got one that looks clean.” I jump at the voice, turning to look at the table and chairs in the corner of the room. A small, black-haired man sits there, drinking tea and reading some sort of book. Have I fallen for a trap? If I sprint out the door now will I be able to make it to safety? My adrenaline’s running through my veins, so I think I’d be able to flee, maybe even fight if it comes down to that. “Can you stop staring at me? It’s really unsettling,” the man says, shutting the book and getting up. His cold blue eyes flit to Farlan. “You _did_ tell her we wanted a three-way, right?” he asks his friend. Oh, thank God! They’re not going to jump and kill me! That’s a relief to know, but I still don’t really feel right. I wish Farlan had told me that _before_ I agreed to this. And to think I almost fell for his innocent act. It all must be a façade, just to lure me in and get my guard down. Typical. 

“I guess it must’ve slipped my mind,” he admits embarrassedly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“How the hell did you manage to forget?” the short man demands. 

“Well I was kind of concerned with other things,” Farlan defends himself, but this short guy’s having none of it. His gaze snaps to me, looking at me with a sort of kindness I wouldn’t expect from a guy like him. But then again, I trusted Farlan and he turned out to be just like every other man. “If you don’t do three-ways, you can go. We’re not going to hurt you or force you into anything. We’ll give you a little bit of money for the inconvenience, but -” 

“No, I do this sort of thing,” the words are out of my mouth before I can even process it. “The money in the little bag will cover it.” The short man grins, sticking his hand out to me. These guys are fucking weird, but whatever. It’s good money and they’re both attractive. I shake his hand. 

“All right then. Strip and get on the bed,” he says, taking his belt off. 

“What should I call you?” I ask, taking my shoes off. Given he didn’t introduce himself I’m guessing he’s not really one for names, but I should know just in case. He pauses before glancing at me. 

“Levi,” he replies. “Call me Levi.” Fucking Christ, an ex-gang leader and the new gang leader? What have I gotten into? This will make for one hell of a story, assuming they don’t kill me after this. I strip out of my work clothes slowly, their eyes fixated on me as the cheap garments fall one by one onto the wood floor. Fully exposed to their ravenous eyes, I give them enticing gazes before sitting on the bed, motioning for them to join me. Levi doesn’t waste any time, getting on the bed in a blink of an eye. His breath is hot as he nestles his face in the crook of my neck, his hands roaming my torso. Poor Farlan is still undressing, only his shirt off. 

“Come over here and let me do that for you,” I say, beckoning to him with my index finger. He looks nervous but comes over anyway. I pull hard on his belt and unbuckle it before yanking his pants down. His warm hand trembles as he rests it on my thigh. And just as soon as he places his hand, he pulls back. 

"I can't do this," Farlan says, walking away from me. "I'm out.” 

"Stop being overdramatic," Levi says, looking up from the cook of my neck and rolling his eyes. I get up and gently grab Farlan’s arm. 

"Hey, hey, no one's gonna make you do anything you don't want to," I tell him, placing a comforting hand on his other arm. "If you don't wanna do this, you don't have to.” 

"I want to. I . . . This is just weird," he admits, blue eyes flicking over to Levi. 

"We could always take turns, if you want," I offer. "I don't mind." 

"No. I just need to get used to this arrangement," he insists. I glance to Levi. Is he making Farlan do this? He doesn't look like that type but what do I know? He sits back down on the bed, motioning for me to join him. 

"Really, I don't mind getting banged one at a time," I reassure him, sitting down between him and Levi. "I just wanna make sure you're -" His lips are on mine before I can finish my sentence. I've never really had a client (or anyone) that's kissed me before, but I like this. His lips are soft and warm, not to mention gentle. He doesn't know a thing about prostitutes but he sure does know how to treat a girl. His hands grab my waist, but it doesn't feel like it's to keep me in place. It's more like he just wants to feel me under his fingertips. 

Adrenaline courses through my veins like liquid lightning as he gets rougher, lips more demanding. The tip of his tongue glides over my lower lip. I’ve read about this in erotic novels, I know what to do. I open my mouth for him and his tongue slides into my mouth, “exploring my moist cavern,” as most novels put it. I gently rub my tongue against his, worry starting to knot my stomach. I hope he doesn’t have high expectations because I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I could tell you how to orally pleasure a man from here to Sunday but kissing? I’ve only ever read about what to do; I’ve never practiced before. 

Farlan cups my face in his hands like I’m his lover and keeps on kissing me. My arms wrap around his neck to pull him closer. I like kissing. It feels warm and loving and kind and – oh my God. Girl, get a hold of yourself! He’s not kissing you because he likes you; he’s doing it to get himself hard. Jesus Christ, I need to get my head out of the clouds. Shivers run down my spine as Levi’s hands cup my breasts, thumbs pushing around my nipples. I can feel myself getting wetter and wetter as small shocks of pleasure of lust go straight to my pussy. Levi’s cradled against my back and I can feel him getting harder too. 

I move one of my arms and reach behind me, caressing Levi’s thigh. He inhales sharply; that reaction never gets old. The ones that need the most relief are the ones that get off at the least sexual things. My fingers tease his shaft softly, stroking up and down before I grab him firmly and start giving him a proper hand job. He moans into my back and, as if he’s doing it for punishment, he gets rougher with my nipples, all gentleness and care thrown out the door. Lust is building up inside me even faster. I need someone to relieve me, I can’t take this anymore. 

Farlan traces my collarbones, hand trailing down between my breasts, down my stomach, between my hips before his fingers hit my pussy. I moan into his mouth, pulling him closer. He gently prods along my folds – I take back that “he can’t be a virgin” statement. I was wrong, as usual. 

“Here,” I break away for just a second, grabbing his wrist and helping him find my entrance. I whimper as he shoves his index finger inside me; it’s not enough but it’ll do. He’s learning so I should cut him some slack. I run a few fingers along his erection before I start pumping him slowly. 

It’s weird to be jerking off two guys at once, to be honest. It’s been awhile since I’ve done this, sitting between two men. Letting their hands roam my body while I stroke their cocks. Farlan’s thumb travels upward, hitting my clit over and over again, sending sparks of ecstasy through my body. Levi’s avoiding my pussy like it had the plague, opting to grope and squeeze my breasts. But with Farlan’s fingers teasing me in all the right ways, I think I can forgive Levi for ignoring my vital regions. His fingers are thrusting and stroking generously, like he wants to me feel good and he’s not just trying to get me wet enough for sex. 

White hot flames lick at my body as Farlan gets rougher, thrusting more and more and stroking harder and harder. Pleasure starts building up in my body and I start working the both of them harder. Levi’s precum drips down my fingers until finally he grabs my wrist and yanks my hand off of his dick. 

“Fuck, I can’t take this anymore, turn around,” he orders, his breath boiling hot on the back of my neck. Farlan stops fingering me, prompting me to stop pumping him. 

“Hold on,” I tell him. I look Farlan dead in the eye. “Farlan, do you still want to do this?” I ask. “It’s one hundred percent okay if you want out now.” 

“No, I want this,” he replies, blue eyes gazing almost lovingly into mine. 

“You’re sure?” I inquire. 

“Yes, I’m sure,” he answers, not once looking away from me. I give him a kiss before Levi grabs my shoulder, pulling me around to face him. His hands wind themselves in my hair and force my face down to his cock. Oh, thank God. I only want Farlan inside me; not Levi. 

The tip of my tongue flits across Levi's slit before I take all of him in my mouth. He's the cleanest guy down there that I've ever seen. And the most hairless. If he wasn't so cold I'd say he's a gift from the heavens. But he's kind of an asshole so I won't call him that. I do appreciate his cleanliness, though. He hums in contentment as I lick and suck his shaft. Chills run down my back as Farlan's fingertips brush against my hips before gently grabbing them. I can feel his heat agonizingly close to mine; I’ve never wanted someone so badly before. He stretches my walls in the most wonderful way as he enters me. He's average too, thank God. I've had a few with big dicks and it's been the worst experiences I've had. Seven inches? Sure, that's fun. Anything more? I'm out. 

Farlan pulls out slightly before slamming himself back into me. The sweet friction of his cock against my walls is enough to make me moan, but the icing on the cake is his fingers stroking my clit. It feels like liquid fire is running through my veins as he thrusts and rubs me. It feels so good and I can feels ecstasy and warmth spreading through my body like a blaze through a forest. It gets warmer and warmer until my body can’t take it anymore and releases, an explosion of white-hot pleasure jolting my system. I whimper, my moans and calls for Farlan silenced by Levi’s cock. He whimpers as well, must be the vibrations my voice makes. 

Levi comes in my mouth, the familiar, bitter taste of semen flooding my mouth. I swallow it quickly as it comes out; letting it linger on your tongue is not a fun experience. He pulls out with a groan, landing back on the pillows. His dark blue eyes are glazed over in satisfaction as he gives me one last look before getting off the bed and getting dressed. 

A hard push from my hips sends me sprawling face first onto the bed. I prop myself up but Farlan grabs my shoulders and puts me on my back. He thrusts into me, kissing and biting at my neck and jaw. I wrap my legs around his waist, pushing back into him. It feels awkward, but by the way he’s moaning and panting, he loves it. It’s probably just because I’m not used to this position. Most men don’t like looking into the face of the girl they’re fucking. They like to imagine it’s someone else, whether out of fantasy or shame I’ll never know. 

His thrusts get more and more sloppy, slowing down. He rests his forehead on mine, eyes squeezed shut. He’s obviously close. I push back into him as hard and as fast as I can and bang, his eyes snap open as he cums, swears and my name pouring out of his mouth like a waterfall. He looks so vulnerable. No one’s ever looked me in the eye when they came. It feels wrong, almost. Like I’ve witnessed something private and sacred. I’ve never felt something so intimate before. Is this what romantic love feels like? Is this sort of intimacy that heroines at the end of their stories feel when they marry the man of their dreams and live happily in a mansion for the rest of their days? 

Farlan pulls out, giving me a small grin before getting up and getting dressed. Levi is back at the table, reading his book as if nothing ever happened. He’s an weird-ass man, that’s for sure. I pull my clothes back on and grab my purse. I put my earnings in it quickly. I can’t help but feel a little uneasy. Two infamous thugs and some whore knows where they’re camping out. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared that they’ll kill me. I don’t want to think they would: Levi seems apathetic and Farlan . . . Farlan seems like a wonderful guy. But I was wrong about him. He lied to me; he’s like all the other men who’ve had me since the day I could walk. I can’t afford to let myself trust him. All men are the same and I can’t forget that. If I do I’ll end up dead in the gutter. And then who will raise my daughter? There’s no way in hell I’m letting my parents near her. I’m all she has and I have to stay alive for her. 

I finish getting dressed and slip out of the room while Farlan pulls his shirt on. I’m not giving them a chance to kill me. I hurry down the hall and down the stairs, leaving the small inn fast. 

“Hey, wait a moment!” But not fast enough, apparently. Farlan’s voice cuts through the crowd and I have no choice but to stop. If I run people will think I’m a thief and even though the underground is a hot bed for criminal activity, people generally like snitching on each other because it gets favors and money. I turn and meet Farlan halfway. “I didn’t get to thank you,” he says. 

“You don’t have to thank me, Farlan. It’s my job,” I reply with a large grin. 

“I, uh. I don’t know how this whole prostitution thing works, I admit that it’s not in my range of knowledge,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “But is there any way I can see you again?” My heart nearly leaps out of my chest, pace quickening but not in a panicked way. In an excited way. God, stop it! I can’t let myself fall for his charms! He’s lying! He’s like the rest of them! You can’t trust men! You can’t trust _anybody!_ That’s the one rule of the underground. 

“I-I yeah, of course you can see me again,” the words fall out of my mouth in a jumble. The smile on his face is so warm and kind, I – shit, stop it! I can’t feel like this towards him! I wasn’t made for romance! I was made for men’s pleasure. I’m nothing but a sex toy. Why can’t I get this through my head? “I work that corner every day, from around noon to the early hours of the morning.” 

“All right. I’ll come around and see you sometime,” he says, a grin on his face still. “I need to get back to business, but I’ll make an effort to see you soon.”

“I’d love that,” my heart says for me. “I’ll see you then, Farlan.” 

“I’ll see you soon, [First],” he replies, giving me a wink before going back into the inn. I can’t say I’m not excited. But I hate that I am. I was not made for an epic love story. I was made to satisfy carnal desires. I can’t keep deluding myself with dreams of love and financial security and happiness. I simply wasn’t born to live a happy life. I have to keep reminding myself that aside from my daughter I am not destined for joy. Dark streets and cold men are all I will ever know.


End file.
